there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
