If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
