The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
