Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i think i have two assholes
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
