WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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