i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
