Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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