the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize