The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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