$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
