OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
