I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
