I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
