Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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