70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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