I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
