I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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