the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
