We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
