Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize