That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
