"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
