She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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