I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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