I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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