those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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