Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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