Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
