..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
