Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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