Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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