Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
