woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
