capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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