Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
