is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
