Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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