I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
