Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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