I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
