Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
