Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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