would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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