Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize