Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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