I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
