she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
