I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
