Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize