youre lurking in front of me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
