ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think im going to throw up on grandma
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
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