Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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