NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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