I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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