Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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