we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
