70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
