i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
