If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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