I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
