I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
