I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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