Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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