Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize