RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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