dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
