I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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